Leading With What Makes You Human: A Lesson From Jacinda Ardern

Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand, shared something beautifully honest in her recent interview on BBC Woman’s Hour. She spoke about the trait she once believed might hold her back as a leader — empathy.

For years, she thought empathy made her “soft.”
That she needed to toughen up.
That leading with compassion might be seen as a weakness.

But eventually she realized something profound:

The quality she tried to mute was actually her greatest strength.

And hearing her say that struck me deeply — because I see this pattern constantly in my coaching practice.

So many leaders are convinced they must become some external version of what leadership “should” look like. Tougher. Sharper. Less emotional. More polished. More like the model they’ve been shown… and less like themselves.

We end up diluting the very thing that makes us powerful.

A few years ago, while completing my PrinciplesYou Personality Assessment Coaching Certification, I piloted the tool with ten senior HR executives. Most of them said the same thing when they arrived:
“We’re tired of personality assessments. We’ve seen them all.”

And yet — something unexpected happened.

One leader had a breakthrough that stayed with me.
As he looked at his strengths and what he called his “weaknesses” (I prefer growth areas), he suddenly saw that the trait he had spent his whole life trying to suppress… was actually his greatest differentiator. The thing that made him effective. The thing people trusted. The thing that made him human.

He had been leading out of alignment for years, simply because he believed he “should” show up differently.

And this is what Jacinda reminds all of us:

When we operate out of alignment — we lose energy.
When we operate in alignment — we gain impact.

Would Jacinda Ardern have become the leader she was if she had forced herself into a harder, colder version of leadership? Probably not. She would have been playing a role instead of embodying her values.

And the world would have missed the example she set:
that empathy is not softness — it’s courage.

So I’ll leave you with this reflection:

What part of yourself have you been taught to tone down — that might actually be the source of your greatest strength?
And what might become possible if you led from that place with intention, courage, and alignment?

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