DAY 12: The LEGO Candleholder and the Nervous System Power of Ritual

Theme: Rituals regulate the nervous system.
Prompt: Name one ritual that helps you feel grounded.

Day 12 of the LEGO Advent Coaching Journey invites us to explore rituals — not as traditions we must follow, but as supports that help regulate our nervous system and bring us back into balance.

Rituals can be steadying.
They can also be stressful.

For some people, structure creates safety, predictability, and calm.
For others, too much structure feels restrictive or overwhelming.

There is no universal answer.

What we are all really looking for is our own just-right balance between structure and freedom — enough consistency to feel grounded, and enough flexibility to breathe.

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Rituals and the Nervous System

From a neuroscience perspective, rituals matter because they regulate state.

When rituals are supportive and chosen — rather than inherited or imposed — they can:
• settle the stress response
• reduce cognitive and emotional load
• increase a sense of safety and predictability
• support parasympathetic activation
• create conditions for rest, recovery, and integration

Rituals do not regulate performance directly.
They regulate the nervous system — and when the nervous system is regulated, clarity, connection, and performance follow naturally.

But rituals only work when they fit the person and the season.

A ritual that grounds one person may dysregulate another.
A ritual that once brought comfort may no longer fit the life you are living now.

That does not mean something is wrong.
It means something has changed.

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Inherited Rituals and Chosen Rituals

This time of year is rich with ritual.

Many rituals come from outside of us — family traditions, religious practices, cultural expectations. These inherited rituals can offer continuity, belonging, and meaning.

Others are rituals we create for ourselves — quiet mornings, movement, meditation, time in nature, creative practices. These are shaped by our inner needs and our nervous system.

Both have value.

The invitation is not to preserve rituals out of obligation, but to ask a gentler question:
Does this ritual help regulate me now?

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When Rituals Need to Change

After my mother died, a good friend shared the most helpful advice she received when her own parents passed away:
Change the rituals.

Instead of the traditional turkey dinner, her family went out for lobster.

For her, changing the ritual created space for grief without being overwhelmed by it.

For someone else, the turkey might be exactly what brings grounding and comfort.

Neither is right or wrong.

They are simply different nervous systems responding to memory, meaning, and loss in different ways.

This year, I am very aware that Christmas Eve will feel different.
My mother will not be there.

For me, grounding looks like being with family — and doing something completely different.
Perhaps going to the Kingfisher Spa in Comox for a chef’s tasting menu prepared by a chef newly arrived from Copenhagen.
Something intentional.
Something present.
Something that honours this season without forcing it to look like the past.

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Today’s Reflection: What Ritual Is Right for You?

Today’s reflection is simple, but not small.

What ritual helps your nervous system feel more regulated right now?

Not what you should do.
Not what you have always done.
Not what others expect.

What helps you feel steady, safe, and present?

And as you think about this holiday season, ask yourself:
What candle, or candleholder, are you moving toward?
What kind of light, warmth, or structure would support you most right now?

It might be:
• attending a Christmas choir
• Christmas Eve at church
• time alone with a book
• a guided meditation
• a walk in nature
• a shared meal — traditional or not
• creating something new

The right ritual is the one that supports who you are today.

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Your LEGO Build

Your LEGO Candleholder today can represent:
• a ritual that steadies you
• light during a changing season
• structure that supports rather than constrains
• warmth, pause, and intention
• a moment of regulation and presence

There is no right way to build — only the way that reflects what helps you feel grounded now.

If you feel called to share your build or the ritual you are choosing this season, I would love to see it — publicly or privately.

See you for Day 13.
—Sheri